Are You Healing or You Just Performing Happiness?
Since "woke" became a trendy word, everybody's a psychology professor now. 😂
I actually came across a post the other day that suggested we're so busy performing healed that we're forgetting how to actually live in the moment.
Hmm...
I do remember watching people argue over "healing concepts" that neither party seemed to be fully applying to their own lives.
And it got me thinking...again. Lol.
Are we healing, or are we seeking validation?
I have my theories, but I decided to look into the psychology behind it. I mean, information is right at our fingertips. Why not use it?
And here's what stood out to me.
When Healing Becomes a Performance.
Sometimes, the need to prove you're winning means you're still emotionally invested in the people you're trying to prove wrong.
Think about that for a minute.
We've all seen the posts stating, "I'm healed,"
"I'm unbothered," "I'm in my soft girl era," "I've elevated beyond certain people."
And listen, there's absolutely nothing wrong with celebrating accomplishments, recognizing your growth, or sharing your happiness. We're human!
But at what point does healing become another way of seeking approval?
There's a difference between genuinely doing the inner work and feeling pressured to convince the world that you've mastered it.
If you're constantly checking to see who viewed your story, who liked your pictures, or whether someone from your past noticed your glow-up, you might want to ask yourself a question:
Am I enjoying my growth, or am I waiting for someone else to acknowledge it?
Because those are two very different experiences.
Even Celebrities Struggle With the Pressure to Appear Okay.
Former Disney star Alyson Stoner has spoken openly about the psychological effects of growing up in an industry where public approval, performance, and personal identity become intertwined.
In their memoir, Semi-Well-Adjusted Despite Literally Everything, and subsequent interviews, Stoner discusses people-pleasing, learning to establish boundaries, and the pressure to present an acceptable version of themselves.
One interesting part of their story is learning that authenticity doesn't require revealing every personal struggle to the public.
That stood out to me.
Because sometimes we confuse vulnerability with access. We think being authentic means everybody needs to know everything.
But healing can also mean knowing what to share, what to protect, and when to step away from an audience.
Stoner's story isn't proof that every celebrity is performing healing. It does, however, show how difficult it can be to separate your personal identity from other people's expectations.
And honestly, I don't think you need to be famous to relate to that.
What Does Psychology Say?
I read that researchers have explored the relationship between authentic self-expression and psychological well-being.
A 2020 study published in Nature Communications examined social media behavior and found that people who expressed themselves more authentically generally reported greater life satisfaction.
In a separate experiment, participants encouraged to post authentically experienced better short-term mood than those encouraged to present idealized versions of themselves.
Now, that doesn't mean every positive post is fake or that everyone should start publicly discussing their trauma. But it does say that there may be psychological benefits to showing up more authentically rather than constantly trying to maintain an some image.
And that makes sense to me.
Imagine having to convince everyone you're happy while privately struggling to maintain that same image. That's exhausting, For sure!
You don't have to look healed to be healing
Here's something else I think we overlook.
Healing isn't always pretty. You're growing, struggling, questioning yourself, making mistakes, and figuring things out, all together.
Some days you're practicing everything you've learned in therapy. Other days you're spiraling.
And guess what? Both experiences can exist within the same healing journey.
Growth doesn't mean you'll never be triggered again. It means you're learning how to respond differently when you are.
We also need to stop treating every setback as evidence that someone hasn't healed.
Being sad doesn't automatically mean you've lost your peace.
For example, Chrisean Rock and her recent engagement — folks have been horrible with their judgement. She publically claimed Christianity, and now, because she is back with Blueface, she's being judged. Loving God doesn't mean we're perfect all of a sudden.
Having an emotional reaction doesn't erase your progress. And needing support doesn't mean you've failed at becoming independent.
Healing is not a competition to see who can appear the most emotionally evolved.
So, Who Are We Really Trying to Impress?
This is where I think self-awareness becomes important. There's nothing wrong with wanting people to recognize your accomplishments.
But when our happiness becomes dependent on how other people respond, we can lose sight of why we started working on ourselves in the first place.
You can post the vacation, celebrate the promotion, show off your new relationship, or share your personal transformation. Just make sure you're actually enjoying it, not simply documenting it for an audience.
Because there's a difference between building a life you love and building a life you hope other people will envy.
And when we're more concerned with looking healed than experiencing the process, we risk losing our authenticity. Healing may be reaching a place where you no longer need to prove it.
Now, I'm not saying everyone who posts motivational quotes or celebrates their success is seeking validation. Sometimes people really are just happy. But I do think it's worth asking ourselves: Are we actually healing, or are we becoming better at performing it? Because If nobody could see your progress, would you still be proud of how far you've come?
What do y'all think?
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